its post common test.


HOWELLS. thank god the common test is finally over.. not that i've been preparing hard for it. HAH. let me just sum the papers up with.. one big *SIGH*. i have to prepare for my prelims and the final alevels. still got loooads of revision to do.


anyway, its strange how i missed mugging the night away.. the past few nights, been drowning myself with all sorts of coffee that tastes nicer than the usual homemade bloody hot KOPI. the new nescafe tiramisu tastes nice.. cos it taste suspiciously like chocolate milk with a bit of coffee. hah. one thing i realise i shouldnt do while studying is to take a bath.. cos after showering, my eyelids feel 10 times heavier and after i apply my lotions and moisturizing cream, i just have the tendency to lay my head on the pillow and ZZzzz. i have to munch while im studying.. and i really have to plug my iRiver. i cannot study when its all quiet.. it will just give me the splitting headache.


the common test ended this afternoon and now its time to be normal again. hah. like everyone else, i have my own post common test party plans. i started binching since early morning.. stuffing myself with anything, everything.. nasi sambal goreng for breakfast, a quarter bar of snickers, two oreo cookies, keropok lekor (which sucks), half cheese fries, one zinger burger, half coleslaw, pepsi, hafiz's chicken skin and.. finally one tom yam myojo. i feel like ive committed a big sin. GLUTONNY.


and so if all goes well, hafiz and i are going to catch a movie tomorrow afternoon after school. and maybe go for lunch again. AAAARRRGGGH. and saturday im going to see him run his race.. if all goes well. anyway sayang, thanks for coming all the way to spend time with me, i appreciate that. muahhs.

i'm being sucha brat.. throwing my little little tantrums and expecting hafiz to coax me. HAHAH.. i miss him pampering me. i miss him hugging me tight.. patting my head.. playing with my hair. *sighs* howells.. too bad he's sick today.. he was quiet when we walked to school together and i was trying my very very best to strike up a conversation and he shut me off with.. "i don't have the mood to talk." but he was sick really, and he rushed off to the polyclinic right after his physics paper. i hope he is feeling better.

many things happened and didnt happen today..

• IT didnt come.. although i was desperately wishing it would. i hope it will come tmr!
• econs and lit paper DONE!! i do not like to talk about my papers but i can tell you that im not really confident.. silly mistakes here and there and sometimes not knowing my content at all. sheeesh.. real bad.. talk about last minute preparations.. or rather, no preparations at all. hah.
• it rained in the wee morning! and hafiz bought a super huge brolly and we shared it while walking to school together in the slight drizzle. quite romantic actually.
• while doing the lit paper, got so darn hungry and sleepy.. during the break.. got a nescafe and a cheese bread for myself.
• had a headache when i reached home, prolly due to not enough sleep the night before, or caught in the rain or sth.. tried to put myself to sleep but couldnt. still having it now. damn.
• made coffee for dad and forgot to add sugar... haiyooooooooh.
• took some pretty BARBIE stickers from syarina and paste them all over my organizer and calculator.. yea! i feel like a 5 year old kid..
• mom bought murtabak.. munch munch munch..

to my dearest Dearest,

i miss being with you.. really. times are hard for me now, im in a dilemma.. i dont know what's best for me and my sisters. i wish things can go ok in here, i really wish.. sayang, thanks for every bit of encouragement that you give to me as well as my sisters.. i know that you are struggling with your own difficulties too but i can really see that you are trying hard to be strong for the both of us. i really appreciate that. i think that our situation is getting better now.. not too fragile, i suppose. and times apart made our times together more meaningful. *smiles* i love you honey..

Listening to: Sheikh Haikel - Witulah


i dont know just how i spent my holidays but it just flew away... and now its sunday, which means school starts tomorrow, which means no more sleep. i just slept my holidays awayy.. i am sucha pig. homework not done, revision not done!! i havent even iron my uniform.. even if i wanna do some last minute work, i wouldnt be able to do everything that i want to by today. so yea i guess its possible.. to just sleep and sleep and sleep.
the common test is a week away i suppose. A WEEK. 7 DAYS AWAY.


ain - dearest, thanks for everything. you didnt turn your back on me when i expected you to. thanks for that.. i guess things are picking up slowly. i hope things are okae at your side too. just to let you know that i am always right here when you need me yea. i love you best friend!!

my secondary school mate has this for his msn nick:-

today ive done a few things and it makes me feel that today is rather fulfilling. firstly, this is my 100th entry!! woohooooo. ok may not be a big deal to you.. but i find it an achievement cos i can never really write a diary and actually commit to writing and keeping it for long. well i guess, im more of a blogger yea. anw i had this blog since what?? a year plus plus.. it took me that long to write my 100th entry. HAHA.. people can do that in less than 6 months..!!! but then again. i dont actually blog everyday...



next, i finally paid for my class tee and i gave ms low my passport. this is quite an achievement too cos i was bugging my mom for money since last week and pok was bugging me for money since last week. and we are supposed to wear the class tee when we are departing for bintan this friday!!! i seriously cant wait man. and to link to that, i gave my passport already. all ready to go to BINTAN!! but i havent actually buy my stuffs, the bath foam, the whatever stuffs that i need.



most importantly, i did my 2.4 km run today!! i finished it and i got my best timing ever!! not an impressive timing but it was my best!! and hafiz congratulated me.. i think. hah.. but howells, my friends did. (= i just feel extremely good after the whole thing. although im actually quite tired now. HAHAH..



lastly, its the 7th tomorrow. *smiles*

went for the career fair with ain plus wan, dayah, zash and pok, my sis and muz.. HEH. okae well, i met hafiz halfway through and i ended up circling around the fair with him instead. he wants to become a cook. i dont mind la actually.. hahahahh.. went around grabbing all the pamphlets and the whatever stuffs i can find there. the fair was pretty interesting and helpful. i wonder if my parents would let me study overseas. anyway ain wanted the balloon from the NAVY booth but we couldnt find the booth so she couldnt get it. muz wanted free popcorn.. i wanted to get out of there. i was almost choking.. there were sooo many people.

i didnt manage to show him what i wanted to. but heck.. we can always do it another time.. i didnt want to go home late anyway.. and wani was with us too. hahhaa... so we went to buy his adidas street soccer shoe.. i wanted the silver one la but he ended up getting the black and red cos its the latest design and wani said that it looks nicer on him than the silver one. i was happy anyway that he FINALLY got a shoe for himself.. plus he can wear it for the retreat. (=

we went down at j.e interchange.. and there was a funfair with guess what!! the bumper cars and the horses that go round and round... the two things i desperately wanted to ride all the while. we went there to just sort of look look. and hafiz was already in the queue for the coupons.. but i thought.. the bumper queue was sooo long and it was already late. i know he wanted to ride it with me too.. but some other time la ok sayang.. when we have more time, we'll go ALL the rides. (=

dearest ain,

i guess you never change one quality in you. you're sensitive. you know that dont you? heheee.. you're like one little baby. you and hafiz are similar! i seriously have to pamper to you both. LOLx.

i am sorry over what happened in gp class the other time. i guess you were right.. its like the roommate thing, they thought you were with us, we thought you were with them. and i seriously didnt want you to go to the other group because that would be throwing you away, right? so i guess i went to the other group so that you can at least go to their group. im sorry we couldnt be in the same group, it always doesnt work out for us that way to think of it. sometimes circumstances just dont allow us to spend time with each other.

about the roommate thing, i seriously didnt know what happened. i didnt actually voiced out who i wanted to share the room with because i thought, it doesnt make a difference cos you know, we are in the same villa after all. and i heard from the start that you wanted to be with her so i thought we'll go our separate ways. you said i didnt fight to be with you. i guess now is the time for me to say something, if you want to be with me ain, then you have to voice it out. so i know what you want, so they know what you want. ok? anyhoos, if you insist, i can always sleep with you. i'll be more than happy to share a room with you alone. as long as i have a bed. (and some chips, and air-con) HAHAHAHA..

you know sometimes i get very stressed up just thinking of you and hafiz. hafiz will always tell me to spend more time with you. and we always end up arguing because of that.. because me, i dont like him to tell me what to do, especially when its the obvious. and secondly, i know that he is reluctant to say that.. because he wants to spend as much time with me possible. i seriously dont want to hurt your feelings.. but sometimes my ignorant and insensitive attitude just pisses you guys off, i know that. IM SORRY OKAE. i sincerely apologise. sometimes i just cannot cater to your needs.. sometimes i feel that i cannot live up to your expectations. and i guess because of that, we drifted. yea, and im talking to you both. but trust me, i will try my best for the both of you.

about my problems, i guess they just keep piling on top of one another.. to think that all this is happening during our last year, our examinations year. its totally madness.. sometimes i just feel like a total shit... just thinking of it. sometimes i just feel so so helpless and paranoid.


i love you both sayangss. heh.