helo there.
lots of things happened since the last time i posted an entry. but nevermind, im so excited that the fasting month starts tmr!
have a great week friends, and selamat berpuasa!

ps ILOVEYOUHAFIZ.

sometimes i dont understand myself.
i tend to do things on impulse.
im a worry wart too. i worry excessively sometimes till my head hurts.
and i dont know how i think, and why i think of such things.
i guess its true that when you are around a particular person for a certain period of time, you will mirror each others' views, actions, etc. i notice that subconciously, im starting to think and act like hafiz.. then i will go.. "why did i do that?" or "what was i thinking?" i dont know if its a bad or a good thing, but it certainly scares me.

i had my first lesson of the semester. again, very scary. especially the people.. but if there's anything for me to complain about.. it must be the freaking tutorial grouping. i end at 4 everyday! except for some fridays/thursdays and mondays. actually tts not so bad. but i have a 3.5 hour break everyday!! what the flying fish should i do? especially during the fasting month. i had this terrific idea of shifting my tuition in between my lectures and tutorials, only during the kids one week break of course.. and to shift some of my tuition lessons to sundays. this has been the cause of my headache for the past few days. today, i postponed my tuition with roop to sunday cos i was feeling the post-first-day-of-school syndrome.

last week, i was excited to be busy again. and now, i wish i wasnt this busy. i told you sometimes i cannot understand myself.

i caught the PM's national day speech, it was interesting and like i guessed, much was emphasised on the declining birth rates. thus the many policies, subsidies, benefits and tax rebates... the desperate attempt to raise fertility rates.. but my favourite one was the 50% increase for the october gst package! anyway i think our PM has got a sense of humour..

tomorrow the boy returns to his sembawang camp after many many weeks.. i think almost 2 months of mc. secretly, im a bit sad though im not sure if i have the right to feel sad.. he still has 2 more months of NS to go!!! i have gotten used to his daily routine already and now *poof*. ive always loved fridays cos tts when i can meet him after his friday prayers... but now, no more! at least not until 11 november. suddenly, even i am anxious for his ord date. i usually dont bother when he would randomly yell "ORD OHH!!" but now i wish the date will come sooner. its been nearly 2 freaking years. hah.

just as hafiz is going back to camp, my holidays also end.. as of this week.. dont ask me what ive done over the past month. ive been to karaoke again with the two yoga chicks but other than that.. noooooo... even my bag is not fixed. i have preoccupied myself with home, tuition and hafiz.. and recently, olympics.. for this whole month.. when some of my buddies have gone away for a holiday. can i like go for a holiday end of this year? pretty please. ive received my timetable.. and it looks ok, except i don't know how to squeeze my tuition classes in, especially for the fasting month. its causing me a big headache now. talking about tuition, ive realised that i have zero knowledge in science. my science, like my math, have all gone down the drain. at least ive done alevel math these past few months, but science... i cannot even explain primary 6 science properly. i had to sms hafiz during tuition with sushant today.. "whats brace and bit?" "what's an axle?".. what the hell.
i hate science.
and math.

on a lighter note,
ive checked my next holidays though, mid november to mid january! YEAAAAAAY!
and courtesy of my father, im finally going for the sg flyer ride this sat! cant wait cant wait. for the popeye's after that too.

ps i hope you'll enjoy the last few weeks of your ns days, its coming to an end soon! so, treasure them alright! and, i hope you'll come with us for our shopping spree this friday! iluah.

for me, FOUR days draws the line of sanity.
the day after, i'll still be ok. the 2nd day i start to feel abit uneasy. the 3rd day, i'll start pestering him. he will be annoyed most of the time.. and tonight, just like many other nights, he will totally ignore me. by the 4th day, i will shut up.

i've seen many relationships either bloom or turned bitter. i've watched and experienced the many phases of a relationship, be it my own, my parents, my friends or anyone else. i understand no relationship is perfect and that each one has its own set of problems. more often than not, i wish that i can turn to my parents for advice when i face a problem with hafiz, but i've seen my mom cry because of my dad, and i've seen my dad cry because of my mum. i watched, learnt and tell myself not to make the same mistakes that my parents did. hafiz once told me, "only they can solve the problems between themselves, you cant do anything." true. because in a relationship, it is essential to solve a problem the most amicable way, where both parties would agree without feeling that they are being forced to. of course its easier said than done, i know that for myself. things happen for a reason, and they happen to make or break a relationship. i just hope that my relationship with my loved ones (esp YOU) will strengthen with each obstacle faced. insyaallah.

anyway, the phone bill came. and miraculously, its not as much as i had expected it to be. thank God. but still, i got a earful, ironically not from my parents. i will curb my smses. i will try to. seriously money can make me go mad. i dont spend as much as i used to alright! living in sg is seriously tough, high cost of living, high level of stress. i am much more happier living in a farm with my husband and family, or a small cottage by the sea. anything. my wants are fairly simple.

ok, i hope after reading this entry, you guys will still have the energy to read this piece of article from the straits time:-

http://www.straitstimes.com/Our%2BColumnists/Column/STIStory_266543.html?vgnmr=1

"But one thing these stories had in common was that they all revolved around the Police Academy in Thomson. As I got older, it puzzled me why my Chinese friends constantly referred to NS as 'army'. In my family and among my Malay friends, being enlisted in the army was like hitting the jackpot. The majority served in the police force because, as is known, the Government was not comfortable with Malay Muslims serving in the army. But there are more of them now.

Throughout my life, my father has always told me that as a Malay, I need to work twice as hard to prove my worth. He said people have the misconception that all Malays are inherently lazy...."

go and read it!

it is a saturday evening. and here i am, with my favourite book and a cup of coffee. he wanted to meet me and i agreed. not that i was eager to meet him, but the boyfriend had plans and i was bored, so why not. he has a book too, but i dont think he is reading it, neither do i. i didnt tell him much about me, he doesnt need to know all that. but he told me of his past loves, his present love and his dreams. i wasnt sure of what to say, i am not even sure if i'm supposed to be here with him.

i wish he didnt say what he said. but he did. it's not his fault, i tell myself. he doesnt even know about my boyfriend, or what type of person he is. he just says it sincerely from his heart and it somehow made me contemplate and wonder, whether i am really complete. i ask myself, "am i really that happy with him?" i do love him, ive always thought that he was my everything. and that my world revolves around him. but now, as i sit beside this guy, laughing at his spontaneous jokes.. i start to wish he was mine. maybe he wasnt perfect, but i know somehow he can make me happy.


all i want is to be happy.

he said,
"how i wish i can see ur dead body lying in front of me,
tat wld spell the end of my terrible days,
how i wish i cld cry tears of joy seeing u dead."


Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal ingkar
Tak kenal nestapa
Cintaku hanya indah
Hanya bahagia untuk selamanya
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau biarkan kasihku

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis
hanya tulusnya hati
mencintaimu tak mengenal ragu
keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk dirimu selalu

anuar zain - ketulusan hati