everytime when i had carefully straightened out one aspect of my life, another part screws up. how easy it would be if i could piece them up all at one time.

you know, i am tired of trying to make things right, trying to perfect this and that.
i am tired of being afraid.
i am tired of making mistakes.
i am tired of making the same mistakes all over and over again.
i am tired of being upset and seeing you upset.
i am tired of thinking of that thing too much.
i am tired of hearing you telling me what to do.
i am tired of choosing my words carefully so as not to hurt you.
i am tired of fighting and crying.
i am tired of hearing them fight and not talking to each other.
i am tired of you pointing out my imperfections.
i am tired of myself being conscious of my imperfections.
i am tired of hurting you.

at this point of time, if there is no you, i might as well be alone.
but even you,
even you are tired of me.

its hard to have a boyfriend in the army.
you dont see each other alot due to work and you start blaming each other.
suddenly you run out of things to talk about and you start picking fights.
sometimes you cant talk to him at all because he's either in camp or he's tired and sleeping.

the thing is,
you really want to tell him that you love him and that you miss him so much,
but you just cant find the right time because both of you are either blaming each other, picking fights or that he is in camp or tired and sleeping.
how?
die la.


p.s im sorry sayang :(

chinatown is soo the right place to shop for toiletries la.
ended work early today and mabel brought me to people's park shopping centre, which is quite near to china square.. ended up mini-shopping. bought cheap cheap stuff.. biore's pore-pack, freeman's peppermint & plum foot lotion (which smells delicious by the way, imagine putting in on your feet) and dove shampoo. the things there are like damn cheap.. i bought the clean & clear oil control film from guardian for more than $3.50, and they sell it at $2.50 there!!

next month, im supposed to be working at vivo, compasspt, causeway pt, wisma atria and parkway parade. this got me envying ain.. (since you want to work more, maybe you can request june to send you to work in all these places.. and replace me. hehe.) compasspt is where? sengkang right? sengkang le helo. and parkway parade is the other side of the island. fancy me working there on the 7th!!! the 7th of every month is a sacred day.haiyah.

i love this song on my blog.. reminds me of the boyfriend.. HAHA. he's going to camp tmr already la. die la..

a few things that i need to do-

• jogging.
• send hafiz off tmr. haiyah..
• tell mabel/imah that i have to go off early this sat. wanna go meet the girls!
• pay for my ntu application fee.
• get my cca record from school tmr. haiyohhh.
• finish my novel.. this one's quite boring.. i dont feel the urge to finish reading it.
• clear my notes/files away? should i? results out, but i still love my notes le.
• do sit ups. haiya.
• watch spiderman with the boyfriend. the trailer looks good..
• deposit at least $500 into my ocbc when i get my pay.. someone help me.. force me to put the money in AND not withdraw it out later.
• jog.

i wanted to end this entry with a sigh.
haha.
ohwells.
SIGH.

im sorry for the long absence.
when was the last time i blogged anyway? hahas.
my life currently revolves around work and hafiz. in two days time, he'll return to camp.. so these past few days ive been pestering him to go out with me. basically we just go out and eat la.. everytime when he fetches me from work, we'll just have our dinner cum supper at lau pa sat. hafiz nvr gets bored of satay. never.

i just cant wait till i get my pay.. so that i can finally replace the money in my ocbc bank. ive spent a thousand bucks these past two months.. 1000 sing dollars. i feel like killing myself la.
and i cant wait to go back to school.
i cant wait to hit the books once again, to dread exams, to have all the time in the world- meaning i can finally go for frequent jogs to trim my accumulated and still accumulating fats.. and most importantly, to pay student fare when i go to pizza hut for lunch.
sighs.

big sighs.

i have a few things that are bothering me these past few days.
and it includes me being too dependent on you.
the conversation just now was like a tight slap on the face.
it hurts so much that i just went numb.
i have to learn to let go,
i have to.

you know sometimes, all you need is a third party to remind you how much you are loved. then it all makes sense.

happy birthday ain dearest!
syahirah loves you, hafiz.