first things first,
sha, i cant do your survey! i cant copy and paste from your blog.. lol.

i spent the last two days to myself. i took nora's advice to spend time thinking by myself, and for myself. basically i was alone the whole time cos my parents were working, and everybody else is sleeping over at my aunts' place. ain came over yesterday afternoon though, and we ate the crab my mother cooked. lol. she really made my day cos i really had the feeling that no one gives a hoot about me. and ive finally talked to my mother today after going down with her for our dunch (dinner and lunch, haha!). i think she realised something was definitely wrong cos i didnt went out of the house two days straight. although i didnt exactly go to the details, i think she got my drift.

im tired of this non-stop finger pointing. i think ive learnt to stop blaming, but then i have to bear with the blame lying on me. i dont mind his fits of anger or even the conditions he has laid out for me. honestly speaking i have put aside my pride and ego long ago.. because i think it was worth it. because i think he was worth it. but when the tables are turned on me everytime.. even when i know i wasnt all to blame, i definitely get frustrated. i dont know how some people can get all worked up for the smallest things. well, you might think that it matters to you.. but the way you handle the situation and how you portrayed your anger just shows how much respect you have for the other party and the people around you. which is, i can say confidently now, zilch. total zero.

like ive said to a very dear friend, i adore those girls whose bfs always asking for second chances. at least those guys know that they are in the wrong. at least they are aware that they are the one who should be asking for forgiveness, and to be given another opportunity at the relationship. for my case, i get blamed.. for not smsing after a fight, when in fact im the one who is hurting. let me give u an analogy, you really dont want to be chasing after the person who spat on you. well at least not until he really apologises and not repeat the whole thing again just weeks after.

i dont know why some people have this twisted idea that im calm about this whole matter. and that i dont give a shit. and whatever nonsense they assume im feeling. just because i dont cut myself to death or give him uncountable missed calls doesnt mean im indifferent or that i dont miss him either. if you think im the one who can go on after a fight without thinking of you, you're wrong. if you think that i dont give a shit, then you're wrong again. however patience has its limits. you dont ever take a person for granted. just because you know she'll come back running to your arms all the time doesnt mean you have to treat her like a piece of crap. do you really need her to walk out that door and leave you alone to make you realise that how youre treating her is not how you treat a woman? or a human even.

in my heart, i know he's the best a girl can ever have because she will never doubt how much he loves her. he'll gather her in his arms when they are together. he can drive her around town if she wants him to. he'll send her all the way home even though she's living at the other end of the island. he'll look at her in a way that makes her feel like she's the most beautiful person in the world and only she matters to him. he's always there whenever he is needed although he will grumble abit. lol. he'll let her have the first bite of his mash potatoes, coleslaw and whatever he's having. like i mentioned, she's never left with doubts.

i know i may not be the best that a gf can possibly be.. but i know above all, im patient towards him. however i realised that he is getting more temperamental as the days go by. sometimes i think i dont even know whats gotten into him.. ive had many advice from my loved ones but i think it all boils down to him to finally come to a realisation that he has to change. bottomline is, i do give a shit. as cheesy as it may sound, i still love abdul hafiz. but im not letting him trample all over me again. i want him to think about this, and i hope this weekend will do him some good. i hope.