saturday
seeing him laugh like that makes me wish i could make him laugh everyday of the week.
just so i could, if i was fast enough,
catch a glimpse of that twinkle in his eyes.

sometimes it just scares you to think of how much your world revolves around a person.
a normal human being whom, could just wake up one morning to realise that he doesnt love you anymore.

today after the lps dinner, i went home by myself. its not that ive grown accustomed to being alone in the train, just listening to the mp3 and staring into space..
but the boy look so darn tired, i couldnt bear to let him suffer frm raffles to jurong to simei..
the feeling only lasted a while, tears welling up when you part.. but after that it will be ok. after what happened yesterday i figured, if he doesnt bother, why should you? but thats besides the point.

i decided to take 334 home today instead of walking from lakeside. the bus was crowded but i managed to have a seat beside a guy who was busy playing soccer on his handphone. as usual i listened to the mp3, deep in my own thoughts..
so after a while, the guy decided to stop playing and was staring into blank space also.
and then he took out his wallet and flip it open.
i noticed his gesture so i managed to catch a glimpse of a neoprint of him with his girlfriend in the wallet.
he stares at it for a total of 10 seconds.. and then he closed his wallet.

less than 3 seconds later, he flips it open again. and then this time i saw him carressing the photo, particularly his gf's face.. before he closes it again.

i was touched at that point of time.. what with daniel bedingfield's if you're not the one playing on the mp3. that small gesture has a thousand wonderful meaning.. plus its so rare to see a guy doing that!!

which makes me wonder whether hafiz ever does that? i just tucked in a small picture of myself into his wallet the moment we just met today. im not sure if he even knows that its there.. its all an interesting coincidence..




Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Labels: hafiz, picture

its been 3 days now since i first started school. i dont know if i should be happy.. now that im back in school.

its been hard, truthfully. being exempted for half semester doesnt do me any good.. besides paying lesser for the course fees. my foundation subjects - math, accounting and economics. ive no problems with refreshing my mind with economics, but accounting and math.. ESPECIALLY MATH. i have no math background. the last time ive formally touched math was emath back in secondary school.. and now im doing differentiation, integration, statistics, probability.. and and and.. ive to sit for exams in 2 months time.

and it doesnt help that i have yet to purchase the textbooks (which practically cost a bomb).. the lecturers basically take their tutorial questions from these textbooks so there is no way im gonna scrap through foundation year without having my hands on them. seriously, i dont think they are worth my 100 bucks plus cos i'll only be using them for 2 months!

maybe i forgot how stressful it was having to worry for exams and how tiring it was to pay attention in class. now that ive to sit for 3 hours lectures, do tutorials and worry about exams.. i find it.. (gasps!) even more depressing than working...
ok maybe thats a bit too far-fetched, but you get the idea..

to top it all, my finances are super tight.
ive never ever in my whole life wished that my parents were richer.
but now i wish they are!
so that i dont have to take a bank loan for my course fees (speaking of which, my bank loan is yet to be settled, i have yet to pay my first instalment to the school!!), so that i have no qualms about buying the textbooks.. even if im just going to be using them for 2 months only, so that i dont have to get a part-time job to support my personal expenses and this would mean i can just concentrate on school.
and im so pissed with myself for spending money on lunch.. cos i think im wasting money.. i seriously need help.
make me happy please.


what i so need now is just to crawl into hafiz's arms and for him to give me a good nag on how things would be alright.
i miss having lau pa sat with him! its funny to think of the times when i was working at gg<5.. when we used to have late dinners at lau pa sat or lps(hafiz's own acronym) almost 3 times a week.. now we rarely meet that much..
i miss watching movies with him.. passing popcorns and watching him sleep halfway through the movie..
Sigh.

Labels: hafiz, school

i cant seem to post any pictures!!
DAMN IT!

anw, im going back to school tomorrow!
its sudden i know! but the school sent me a letter the past monday saying i qualify for the half foundation programme, which means its gonna be shorter and cheaper route for me. i was running up and down, to the bank, to the school.. and at the same time... finding a suitable way to quit my job. muahahHA! but its settled now. the job part that is.
i gotta find a part time job. seriously. or else i'll have to resort to walking to tiong bahru and start eating grass.
money is seriously a big problem.

have a great week everyone!

i had one of the best moments on friday.
met up with azlin, ain and dayah for dinner. its been a year since i saw dayah.
the four of us caught up with each other and took a million pictures..
ain, i didnt get the pic on the email.. cos there was none! maybe u can pass them to me through thumbdrive..

anw, i am not sure if im doing the right thing..
but im gonna start school soon!
back to books and notes! hoorah!

its a very gloomy saturday.
too gloomy that i wished i was working this weekend instead of being stuck at home.
this morning left us with a crooked fan and two crying girls. some people just cannot control their outrageous temper. even over drenched laundry.
personally i think that most of those who dont control their temper just dont wish to. they are selfish humans who wants other people to response and act accordingly to satisfy their own interests.
i mean seriously, its okay to be angry once in a while when things dont go your way, but certainly not to the extent of damaging the house fan and lifting the sofa, for God's sakes. you are totally unreasonable when it comes to handling problems in the family.
what will it take for you to overcome your temper? when you start to see your loved ones dying at your feet?

you know sometimes after all the shit you went through the whole day, you just want somebody who can hug you and say nice things to you at the end of the day. most of us girls just need a few comforting words to make it all better. i dont know why its so hard to get simple encouragement from you sometimes.
is this what every couple go through?

i dont blame your NS. because i understand its tough for you.. or any other guys for that matter.
but you have made it clear to me so many times that you dont want to meet me because you dont want to send me all the way home.
you dont want to meet me all the time because our dates costs a lot.
now im breathing down your neck.
you need to enjoy when you're still young.
you prefer to go gallivanting and swimming than meet me.
and then when you really need me, you tell me you're meeting me.
you cant take no for an answer. i have to put in every drop of effort to meet you.
so what if on that particular day, i prefer to go gallivanting instead?
must i be at your beck and call?
i dont think any gf deserve all that spiteful names.
i know sometimes i tend to demand, but have i not reciprocate enough? you are always telling me that im only taking and not giving. what have i not given enough to you?
i can spare you 6 days out of my 7 days in a week. you spare me 1.
and you're telling me that i should be grateful.

why have the things you've been doing for more than 2 years have now become chores?
what have i become? another burden in your life?

do you really love me like how you tell me every morning, every day?
do you?