yesterday, had late dinner with hafiz at seoul garden marina square. i think now the boy loves seoul garden, cos of the unlimited meat and ice-cream he gets to eat. i noticed he also loves to cook meat on the grill pan and mixing his food around. (:

we waited for an hour (!) to finally get seats. but the best part: i was greeted with a cockroach when i opened my wallet. it was resting so quietly in my wallet. seriously i didnt know how it got in there but i was so freaked out! i starting flipping the wallet like crazy and the cockroach jumped out, ran off to God knows where. i sort of felt terrible afterwards thinking that i brought a cockroach into the restaurant.. haha!


and today, we celebrated syakila's 15th birthday and wani's 18th birthday at swensens jurong point. (yep, our birthdays are all in december) lucky them, they each got a new sleek samsung mp3, thanks to my dad. we had dinner and a giant earthquake (and i didnt had to have any mint inside, hmph!) but the mall was so crowded, i had a terrible headache by the time we left the place. the new jurong point is really great actually.. (without the 10320197571837 people in there) it has nice new shops (mphosis! hurs! mondo! st louise! harris bookshop!) and a 24hr ntuc fairprice.

syarina even got her ear piercing done today after dinner. she didnt cry, unlike all of us.. haha. i think syarina is really horrible at posing for pictures. she has this weird tendency to do stupid poses.. everyone commented on the weight she has put on recently. she has been spending too much time with me.. eating heavy late suppers and snacking every now and then. hahaha...




ps i hope you like your picture under the umbrella.

the last two pictures are actually of my "birthday card" from my girlfriends. the girls had put lots of pink crepe paper, a purple and white feather thingy draped around the board, pictures of themselves, a mask on the top left hand corner and a big glittery sign that says 21st. super pretty! thank you zanura, lay kuan, kasthuri and jayne for spending the day with me. i really enjoyed the dinner!! thank you also for the beautiful swatch and the big card. its on my study table now..!

my 21st birthday celebrations actually started a week before the 11th. (: i was happily stuffed with a chocolate cake from polar (that was super unexpected but very touching), my parents treated me to a hearty dinner at simpang bedok (sorry no pictures of me stuffing myself with a large piece of steak) and lunch and dinner with different people. i know im repeating this but thank you! (: i love you people.

anyway i finally got my hands on twilight! ok abit outdated.. but im going to finish that before watching the movie. i recommend you guys to watch the movie, if you love vampires and love stories. (:

i just want you to change. why is that so hard?

first things first,
sha, i cant do your survey! i cant copy and paste from your blog.. lol.

i spent the last two days to myself. i took nora's advice to spend time thinking by myself, and for myself. basically i was alone the whole time cos my parents were working, and everybody else is sleeping over at my aunts' place. ain came over yesterday afternoon though, and we ate the crab my mother cooked. lol. she really made my day cos i really had the feeling that no one gives a hoot about me. and ive finally talked to my mother today after going down with her for our dunch (dinner and lunch, haha!). i think she realised something was definitely wrong cos i didnt went out of the house two days straight. although i didnt exactly go to the details, i think she got my drift.

im tired of this non-stop finger pointing. i think ive learnt to stop blaming, but then i have to bear with the blame lying on me. i dont mind his fits of anger or even the conditions he has laid out for me. honestly speaking i have put aside my pride and ego long ago.. because i think it was worth it. because i think he was worth it. but when the tables are turned on me everytime.. even when i know i wasnt all to blame, i definitely get frustrated. i dont know how some people can get all worked up for the smallest things. well, you might think that it matters to you.. but the way you handle the situation and how you portrayed your anger just shows how much respect you have for the other party and the people around you. which is, i can say confidently now, zilch. total zero.

like ive said to a very dear friend, i adore those girls whose bfs always asking for second chances. at least those guys know that they are in the wrong. at least they are aware that they are the one who should be asking for forgiveness, and to be given another opportunity at the relationship. for my case, i get blamed.. for not smsing after a fight, when in fact im the one who is hurting. let me give u an analogy, you really dont want to be chasing after the person who spat on you. well at least not until he really apologises and not repeat the whole thing again just weeks after.

i dont know why some people have this twisted idea that im calm about this whole matter. and that i dont give a shit. and whatever nonsense they assume im feeling. just because i dont cut myself to death or give him uncountable missed calls doesnt mean im indifferent or that i dont miss him either. if you think im the one who can go on after a fight without thinking of you, you're wrong. if you think that i dont give a shit, then you're wrong again. however patience has its limits. you dont ever take a person for granted. just because you know she'll come back running to your arms all the time doesnt mean you have to treat her like a piece of crap. do you really need her to walk out that door and leave you alone to make you realise that how youre treating her is not how you treat a woman? or a human even.

in my heart, i know he's the best a girl can ever have because she will never doubt how much he loves her. he'll gather her in his arms when they are together. he can drive her around town if she wants him to. he'll send her all the way home even though she's living at the other end of the island. he'll look at her in a way that makes her feel like she's the most beautiful person in the world and only she matters to him. he's always there whenever he is needed although he will grumble abit. lol. he'll let her have the first bite of his mash potatoes, coleslaw and whatever he's having. like i mentioned, she's never left with doubts.

i know i may not be the best that a gf can possibly be.. but i know above all, im patient towards him. however i realised that he is getting more temperamental as the days go by. sometimes i think i dont even know whats gotten into him.. ive had many advice from my loved ones but i think it all boils down to him to finally come to a realisation that he has to change. bottomline is, i do give a shit. as cheesy as it may sound, i still love abdul hafiz. but im not letting him trample all over me again. i want him to think about this, and i hope this weekend will do him some good. i hope.

dearest abdul malik,

of all the things to remember of you,
it will be our quiet conversations.
we may not be the closest of friends,
but im glad that you were once a part of my life. even though for a short while.
i still have your nice looking letter in the red envelope. it has been sitting in my wardrobe for a good 6 years now. although i wish it was in your handwriting instead of your sister. (: (i really dont mind your handwriting, untidy or not)
and also, thanks for all those walks to school together.

there's so many things i wish to say to you now that you're gone.
above all im glad you've reunited with your beloved mum now.
we will miss you,
and i know He loves you.

Al-Fatihah.